TWEAkED®

my computer was screaming vulgarities at me just now. i sure as hell can't explain the technicalities of this, but all i registered was a black screen with white words that went something like @#!$%@# abdddddddddd@#$%%^
now does that just look rude or what?
PFFT to you too!!

dumb ass technology.

anyway, its a nice 2 days to the end. its weird that the nearer the end comes, the more pessimistic i am. and mind you, its not because of any of the common reasons such as 1)i'm depressed about my grades cos i think they are gonna suck when i get them next march (though i do think they might, but hell thats not getting to me now) 2)i love school! i'll miss studying! aww i wont be able to study after friday.... or.... ok i can't think of anything else.

seriously, i think its all about hope. (i just made the most duh statement of the century, like, you know, isn't optimisism equivalant to hope?) and so, for a while i had it, or thought i did, but now i know i don't, i probably never did. a poor deluded soul with fallacious notions.

there's that much to keep me hoping. but i guess all of it lies too much on other people. and perhaps (and probably) one day they are gonna come and prick my little bubble with a needle, and there goes everything i ever held onto.

its so dreary today. i hope its the weather that paints my mood. oh wait.. i'm just trying to delude myself again.

its not what you think it is. and of course i know if i don't say, you won't know. i wish i knew where to begin. but there's probably nothing that will evoke more feelings than the words that i might utter. there's probably nothing i can do except to shut it inside me and to bear the torment instead of making you bear it instead. who knows? tomorrow might be a better day.

gen muses at 11/26/2003 02:21:00 AM