TWEAkED®

i will have my own piece of the cake.

forgive me if my memory fails me - if i remember correctly, it was at 1145 the very morning of the 3rd of March 2004 that news of the impending disaster travelled to me via word of mouth. (or actually, more like word of sms) the first thought that rang through my mind was "why so long more??" , though frankly it didn't take an idiot to figure out it was due friday. perhaps i was impatient - perhaps i hated nervous anticipation - who doesn't? and so for the next two days half the world floated around basked in radiant glory in celebration of the coming victory they always knew was theirs to own, while the other half mucked about and produced agonizing moans of how they wished time would stop in her tracks and never move on to yucky friday afternoon. i still strongly remember my thoughts that day (or rather lack of) of wondering how it would be like to know how justified the last two horrid slog-like-a-cow years were. i seemed nonchalant - truly i was. i didn't wish to accomodate the whines of the fearful for i saw life above and beyond a few results on a slip of paper. still, i avoided the high-and-mighty smart brats for (trust me on this one) though they were certain of their 4As, they insisted on playing the part of 'humble-pie' by whining (yes them too!) about how they were going to flunk.

i stood in the gap like a sore thumb jutting out. no fishy modesty for me, no shaky hands and wobbly knees either. all i wanted for to get my life going again. to get out of the stagnant pond i had to fall into and stay until the authorities deemed it fit for evacuation. i found it so cool that until friday, my life stretched out indefinetely into the distance, yet was occupied my a large black hole from the 5th of March onwards. see, i had abso-fucking-lutely no idea what "dooms day" entailed for me, being blur and innocous back then. still i found a kick in the uncertain - it was almost mysterious, wasn't it? not knowing where the hell life was going to go and letting it be determined by a few alphabets. (it was so unlike the life i always knew - day after day of school that stretched for the next 2, 6, 8, 12! years of my life) it was almost... exciting!

still, despite those small bursts of girly excitement - i remained nonchalent - and without a doubt, irritated many with the seeming act of pride. it didn't bother me that much - or so i thought. i liked to think (and alas! believe) that who i was was not determined by my grades, but more so my aspirations, my dreams, my character and my calling by God.

i was foolish - and bitterly i admit it now - for i was meant for life in a black hole. i proudly believed that i would rise above the hole that was a mere substitute for time given the uncertainty of my circumstances, never to have the thought of the certain ushering it in forever cross my mind.

gen muses at 3/03/2004 03:28:00 AM